I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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