Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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