Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
