She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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