I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
