its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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