i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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