I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
