oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
