that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
