In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
