Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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