His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
