I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
