it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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