You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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