I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
