I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we're making bets on your personal life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
