uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
