with your own penis?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
