im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
