I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
