she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
