I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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