so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
