my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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