you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
