I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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