I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
