it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
