During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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