I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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