based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
