I'm jealous of your bromance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
