I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
