we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
