I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
