Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
bring money and cleavage
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
