So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
