Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
