He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
