Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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