Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
