Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
