nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
