dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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