I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
