3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
okay pat passed out under dana's car
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize