I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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