I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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