Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
