this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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