if only i could text you this smell
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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