just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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