i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
