I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
