Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
