Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
