you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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