IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
