I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
try to milk me bitch
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