Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
