you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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